My goal is to compete in an Olympic distance triathlon one month from now 1.5K swim, 40K bike, 10K run. I believe this will take me a little over 3 hours. I decided to train for a triathlon because I wanted to set a goal for myself that was difficult, but concrete and achievable.
I have gone through some tough years and it had been a long time since I had felt like the best version of myself. My career was off track from what I had envisioned for myself. I was allowing myself to wallow and live a bit aimlessly. I would wake up in the morning with a sense of anxiety and a long list of disparate goals and tasks in my head including things like work on papers, finish job applications, write grants, run PCR in lab, research career opportunities, workout, cook a healthy dinner... Each of these tasks felt simultaneously monumentally important and completely pointless. Often I would procrastinate, unable to decide which task to tackle first and accomplish none of them. Every day felt like a little test that I was failing.
I had also experienced some physical setbacks. A broken ankle led to a period of inactivity. I trained for and completed two half marathons, but then had a bad case of plantar fasciitis in my foot and had to stop running completely for over 6 months. I was experiencing back pain that disrupted my sleep and I would often wake up in the morning in physical pain. I chalked up these aches and pains and inability to really get back in shape to my age. Maybe this is just what it's like once you hit your mid 30s.
At the beginning of this year I set goal to complete a triathlon before the year was out. It was something I had been thinking about for some time and for some reason I just decided to do it and posted my goal on Facebook. At this point I was already on the upswing. I had been adjunct lecturing for several semesters and was feeling comfortable and confident in the classroom. I love teaching because I like working with students and having an excuse to read about and research areas of Biology outside of my direct field of study. Teaching also provides a schedule and set of concrete tasks and I need these things to structure my day and be productive. In addition, the foot pain had inspired me to buy a bicycle (the missing piece of my tri) and I was really enjoying riding it.
I started out the year by focusing mostly on swimming. I was a swimmer in high school and college. During these years swimming defined me as person; I spent more time and energy swimming than doing anything else in my life. I got up for 5:45 AM workout and after school was back either at the pool or weight room. I was exhausted all of the time and I hated getting up early every day. What I loved most about swimming wasn't competing in meets but the amazing feeling I would have after a really challenging workout or set. The feeling of pushing yourself to the brink of your ability, living up to the challenge and being completely spent. I loved spending time in the water and in the summers I spent the whole day at the pool, swimming, coaching and lifeguarding. I was never the fastest swimmer and I had many disappointments over the course of my career, but I trained hard and couldn't imagine my life without swimming.
At the beginning of my senior year in college I quit swimming. It was decision that surprised everyone, including myself. I didn't have a concrete reason not to swim my senior year, except that suddenly I was done. I didn't want to do it anymore; I was worn out and didn't love it the way I once had. I didn't see a reason to grind it out one more year just because it was my senior year. I hung up my suit and didn't touch the pool for over a decade; the idea of swimming casually was too painful. I was working on an independent project in a Biology lab for my senior thesis and was excited to spend more time doing that. Biology research took the place that swimming had once filled in my life.
When I started my first postdoc I decided to look up a Master's swim teams in the area. Enough time had passed that I felt that I could enjoy swimming without feeling pressure to live up to my old times. I put on my cap and goggles and jumped in the pool. The sensation of swimming, staring down at the black line, counting my strokes, flipping at the wall, smelling the chlorine, was immediately familiar and comforting. I couldn't believe how fun it was! Every time I made it to practice I would be grinning, the coaches probably thought I was crazy. Swimming and swimmers were the bright spots in my week that kept me going.
Then came the end of my first postdoc, a move and the aforementioned difficult times. I found a new Master's team, but had difficulty making the scheduled workout times and attended practice very spottily for the first couple of years. Then at the beginning of this year I committed to doing what I had to to make a swim workout at least two three times a week and during my month break between spring and summer sessions I swam almost every day. That was the boost I needed to increase my fitness to the level where I could start training for a triathlon.
In May I signed up for an Olympic distance tri in Santa Cruz, CA on September 28th. I started adding running and biking workouts. A swimmer friend lent me a fast road bike and I've gotten more and more comfortable on the bike and gone on some long rides. Starting at the beginning of July I started a training plan for the triathlon that involved swimming, biking or running 5 to 6 times a week. I've gone on bike rides that are longer and hillier than I would have attempted otherwise. I've learned to fix a flat tire. I'm learning how to fuel myself during these workouts that are longer than I've ever done before. A few weeks ago I started doing something I never would have done if I weren't training for the Triathlon. I got up at 5 AM to drive to Aquatic Park in San Francisco and swim in the bay without a wetsuit. The feeling of being in the bay, in the dark and silence was amazing! Then last week I did something I never thought I would do again, I got in the water for a 5:45 AM pool workout.
Suddenly within the last few weeks I feel better than I have in years. Every night I fall asleep at 11 and sleep through the night. I have little to no back pain; I wake up with a sense of calm and purpose instead of dread and anxiety. I feel strong and healthy. Even more surprising I feel mentally and emotionally healthier. I have more energy to tackle my day and I'm feeling more excited and engaged in science than I have in years. I feel more like myself.
Yesterday I competed in my first triathlon, a sprint distance half the length of my goal, and it was a blast! The bay was warm and I felt relaxed and confident in the water and got one of the fastest swim times. The bike was so much fun! It was my first time riding a race and it was so nice to be able to just ride fast without worrying about cars or traffic lights. The run felt slow but I kept a steady pace. When I finished I was surprised to find out that I had won 3rd in my age group. Most of all I felt really good in my body. Four weeks to the Olympic distance triathlon and then we will see what lies ahead. I hope that I can achieve a balance between my athletic and intellectual goals and maintain the sense of happiness and well-being that I feel right now.
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